Mind Lock
by LauraLou
Summary: When Lily tells James she loves him he doesn't respond the way she expected. Lily tries to ignore the nagging voice in her head that claims James could never lover her. But could it be she losing herself to something she can't control?
1. The Little Voice Inside My Head

Mind Lock  
  
Chapter 1   
The Little Voice Inside My Head  
  
  
Lily Evans lay on her stomach, blissfully stretched out on a blanket beneath a tree. Her head rested on her arms turned to the side to gaze delightfully upon her boyfriend, James Potter who sat beside her. The Hogwarts grounds were practically deserted, except for a few second years, or maybe they were first years, diligently studying beneath a nearby tree. The entire school, or so it seemed, had decided to spend their free Saturday in Hogsmeade, except for Lily and James. They had decided to spend a romantic afternoon down by the lake.   
Lily rolled over and sat up, resting her head on James' shoulder. She giggled as he kissed her. Oh you like that? whispered James. He wrapped his arms around her to kiss her more passionately.  
Lily pushed him away slightly, people will see. James raised his eyebrows and smiled speciously. He pulled a shimmery cloak out of the basket beside him and covered Lily and himself.  
No they wont. He laid her down and kissed her again. If Lily could only see the faces of the younger students nearby, shocked as they watched two pairs of legs intertwined. Lily pulled the Invisibility cloak off of them, trying to give James a superior glare–– one of those we-should-not-be-doing-this looks–– but she couldn't keep it for long. James seemed to get the message though. He lay back, faking a grumpy look. Lily propped herself up on her elbow facing him.  
Don't give me that look, she scolded. He kissed her again.  
Last one, swore James, for know.  
Lily smiled. She had never been happier. she said, d'you ever think about the future?  
Well sure Lils, sometimes. James looked a little perplexed.   
Well, I've just been thinking lately. We're going to be graduating in a month and then what? She sat up and looked at James. We're going have to find careers, we'll be starting a family––  
James grew ridged. Lily saw the fear in his eyes. Well not necessarily you and I, Lily said, slightly dejected. I'm just saying, we don't know what going to happen. Whatever's out there I want to be ready for it.  
James sat up and wrapped his arms around Lily. Nothings out there that you have to worry about, kiddo. Just you and me and I'll protect you. Always. Lily rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway. A year ago Lily would have been offended. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself; she didn't need a knight in armor. At the moment James' chivalry seemed overly sweet and very adorable.   
Lily leaned back, resting her head once again on his shoulder. I know, she murmured.   
What Lils?  
I just–– she paused. I just wanted you to know that I love you.  
James dropped his arms and did not speak. Lily closed her eyes. She was hurt but she would not let James know it. He was not allowed to hurt her. She took a breath and turned to face him. She smiled brightly. I mean you don't have to say it back, if you don't want to. I just wanted to let you know.  
He looked panicked. She kissed his cheek and laid her head back on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her automatically. She closed her eyes and her breath slowed, sleepily. _See, it's okay_, Lily told herself. _You said it. It just takes guys longer to realize their feelings. He still wants to be with you_.   
_ Does h_e_?_ said a vicious little voice in her head. _Do you really think it's even possible for him to love you Lily? Perfect James Potter love a worthless Mudblood like you? He's using you Lily, don't you see? You mean nothing to him.  
_ That's not true, moaned Lily.   
_ It's not? And how would you know? Don't you want to know what he says about you to his little friends? What he really thinks about you? I can tell you, Lily. I can give you the power. Just do me a favor. One little favor. Just take out your wand for me.  
_ Lily felt her arm mechanically move towards her pocket. She pulled out her wand and rolled it through her fingers. _Good_ said the voice _now all you have to do is whisper two words, just two little words, and all the power you could ever want will be yours. Avada Kedarva. Say it Lily, Avada Kedarva.  
_ She felt her mouth open and the words begin to slip off her tongue, _Avada Kedar_–– NO! She screamed. I won't. I won't–– Her breath came out in short pants.  
Lily? Lily what is it? Such concern in his voice as he cradled his distraught girlfriend. Lily wrapped her arms around James' neck and muffled her cries in his robe. Shhh, baby. Shhh. He stroked her back, trying to calm her. It's okay. It's just a dream. A nightmare. You fell asleep.  
Lily nodded, fearfully. That's right, she muttered. Just a dream a dream a bad dream.  
That's right, said James, helping Lily to her feet. Come on, it's starting to get dark. He led her back to the castle, enchanting their blanked and basket to follow close behind. Lily realized she must have been asleep for quite awhile. The sky above the Forbidden Forest was sinister crimson. She yawned and snuggled into his chest, James was a good half-foot taller than her, probably more. He wrapped his arm around her waist and supported her weight as they walked. Lily smiled. _See_, she though, _he really does love you. Or at least he likes you an awful lot_. Lily laughed.  
James asked.   
she mused, just thinking. James brought his hand up to smooth her red hair, running his fingers through it as they continued to walk in silence. Past the Great Hall, up the changing staircases, down the hall until they reached the Gryffindor common room. James lowered his hand back to Lily's waist then sweetly kissed the top of her head.   
The Pink Lady in the portrait sighed. I wish my sweetheart had treated me like that, she sniffed. You don't know how lucky you are.  
_ Yes I do_, thought Lily.  
  
The portrait swung open revealing the entrance to the common room. James grabbed Lily's hand and led her through the common room towards the staircase to the girl's dorms. He kissed her, receiving cheers and whoops from the few in the room.  
Way to go Prongs! yelled James' best friend, Sirius Black.  
Lily laughed but stopped abruptly to yawn.  
Good night Lily.  
Lily smiled. Night James, she whispered. I love you. And James just nodded.   
  
  
  
A/N...Ok, I know this isn't very good. I haven't written anything in like 2 months and I haven't written any fanfiction in like 2 years. I just got into it again. So please review with kind, constructive criticism. I'm working on it...  
  
LauraLou


	2. Dr Love gives interesting advice

A/N: Wow, took me forever to write this. If you've read the first chapter (and I assume you have if you're reading this) you'll notice the style of this chapter is a lot different. Sorry about that but I just liked the flow of this better. Even though it's not how I usually write. I've just got my English teacher nagging me in the back of my head... show don't tell. So I hope you enjoy it. I like it a lot better than the first chapter. Thanks to Butterfly Monkey Babe of Doom, my lone reviewer and possibly my lone reader... thanks you made my day. I'll shut up now because I sometimes find author's notes very annoying... especially ones that just go on and on and on... right will shut up now. Hope you enjoy the story.....  
  
  
Later on in the boy's dormitory....  
  
Sirius Black was sprawled on his four-poster bed, arms crossed beneath his shaggy black hair, taking up quite a bit of room. Next to him, perched on the edge, sat a very confused James Potter. The poor thing look very pathetic really, brow furrowed, thinking quite hard, trying to shape words to explain his predicament which he actually found a little embarrassing. He knew he was being immature, after all Sirius was his best friend, practically his brother. If he couldn't tell Sirius he couldn't tell anyone and he _had_ to tell someone. So James explained the days big event as simply as he could, hoping Sirius would skip the taunting and and head straight for the advice but alas. . . .James finished his story and spoke, So, er, what do you think?  
Sitting up, Sirius shook his head and said slowly, Right, let me get this straight. She told you that she loved you?  
  
And you didn't say it back?  
Well, yeah. Why do you think I should've?  
Sirius indignantly shoved James, hitting his shoulder perhaps a little harder than intended. James who had awkwardly tried to balance himself on the wooden frame at the foot of the bed, lost his balance and toppled to the floor.  
Prongs, you prat, said Sirius either totally oblivious to his friends spectacular fall or choosing to ignore the fact––knowing Sirius, probably the later. Are you bonkers? You've gone and ruined a perfectly good relationship. Oi! Prongs, are you listening to me? A hand appeared and gripped the wooden bed frame. James, not yet recovered from his jolting encounter with the floor, pulled himself up. Very cross and clutching his head James whacked Sirius' gigantic feet.  
Oh, right, sorry about that, James was not convinced of his sincerity, but Sirius pulled his lanky body toward the head of the bead, leaving an open space for James.  
Well, she said I didn't have to if I didn't want to, James retorted grumpily sitting down.  
But don't you love her? Sirius was confused . He thought James had been in love with Lily Evans since their first-year of Hogwarts. During Herbology James daringly put dragon dung in Lily's hair and Lily had cursed him for it, which thoroughly impressed James. They served a whole week of detention together––scrubbing chamber pots, no magic. Lily was mortified and deliberately ignored James the entire time, except to occasionally glare at him viciously. The incident was retold many times as James' first prank at Hogwarts, always with the same ending–– That's when I discovered, James would say smugly, Lily looks smashing when she's angry.  
Sirius chuckled at the thought of Lily getting huffy, which she did rather frequently. James, however, didn't notice. He looked a little worried. That's the thing, he said, I don't know if I love her.  
Prongs, how can you not know? You've only been pining for her for the past 6 years.  
James stood up and began to pace back and forth across the room. I care about her and I'm definitely attracted to her and I'd do just about anything for her. He stopped pacing. Do you think that's love?  
Do I think that's love! Sirius said huffily. He stood and patted James on the shoulder. Seriously Prongs, you've got some major issues. Not knowing what love is.  
James snorted. And you know what love is?  
Of course I do, Sirius said smugly. I am the king of love.  
Oh yeah, James sat down on his own bed, who have you ever been in love with.  
Sirius thought for a moment. Well there was Brenda.  
The Ravenclaw?  
Yeah, she was bloody gorgeous... then there was Cheryl.  
That lasted 3 days.  
And what a damn good 3 days that was let me tell you.  
James whacked Sirius with a pillow. You git. You kissed once in Hogsmeade.  
Sirius sighed, Cheryl sure was a good kisser though. Besides there was also Daisy, Tiffany, Maggie, Molly, Alice Marie, Wendy Jo and––  
Marty of course.  
  
What other do you know?  
She won't even give me the time of day, said Sirius gloomily, sitting down on his bed. And I should know, I've tried.  
What is it about the unobtainable? James said knowingly. Lily had hated him for nearly six years and it just made James crazy about her.  
Well, if you ask me, Sirius said grumpily, women are just bonkers that's all. Refusing to go out with you for no reason.  
And saying that they love you out of the blue and even though they tell you that they don't expect you to say it back they still expect you to say it back and you just know you've hurt their feelings oh, Sirius what am I going to do? James moaned.  
Well Prongs, said Sirius walking over to James, I think you need to figure out whether or not you love her. And if you want opinion, I think you do.  
But how do you know? How do I find out?  
You can't. You just have to wait for the right moment and when that moment comes along you'll know. Lily's already found her moment. You just have to find yours.  
When did you become Dr. Love? James actually sounded impressed.  
I told you, Sirius smiled wickedly, I am the King of Love. Besides I stayed up late with your mum one night last summer and watched that big Muggle portrait box thing you have. What's it called, er, vellytision?  
  
Yeah, that. Well anyway we watched this mushy, romantic movie and your Mum sighed the whole way through. She went on for a good long hour about finding the right person and how you can't rush love. It just sort of hits you. Oh and she also mentioned how romantic movies make her horny and then skipped off to find you Dad g'night Prongs. Sirius bolted out of the room, cackling like a lunatic. James, on the other hand, stayed put. He knew Sirius was expecting to be chased but he decided he wouldn't give Sirius the satisfaction. Instead he mulled over what Sirius had told him, which surprisingly, knowing who it came from, actually wasn't bad advice.   
After a few minutes Sirius' head reappeared in the doorway. Oh Prongs, I thought of one more thing––would you die for her?  
  
Well in that movie I watched with your Mum the leading man loved this girl so much that he gave up his life for her. So I figure if you love her, you'd do the same.   
I don't know.  
Well, just think about it. If you need me I'll be in the common room. Remus is trying to help Peter practice transfiguration and you know how hopeless he is... Sirius trailed off. Night Prongs. He started to leave.  
Hey Padfoot! James called.   
No problem. Good Night.  
Good night. James watched Sirius leave. He laid down on his bed. Would I die for her? he wondered aloud. After a few minutes he smiled. James Potter slipped into sleep feeling quite confident that yes, he would.  
  
  
  
Please Review! It boosts my confidence.  
  
Thanks for reading!  
LauraLou


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